introspection pages - ben sang

Seeing Myself Corectly

so after the mediation I

did some brainstorming

meditation self introspection - ben sang

I am honest in my curiosity. I am in a constant process of discovery and distillment. My purpose is to my own purity that is in my core that every aspect of me yearns to embrace. I am almost constantly confused and exposed in my own efforts to contain and understand. I am the combination that the entire Universe has meticulously planned to organize for my purpose. I am the result of and the potential of infinity. I am the eternal point of now riding the crests of waves of sadness, happiness, despair, enlightenment, and every aspect in between. I am a language so ancient and pure that only the most fractional aspects have been translated into this existence and perception. I am lonely... and companionless, but not loveless. I am growing in every direction. I am trying my hardest. Sometimes it takes a lot for me to remember and slow down and become reacquainted with myself and my infinite place that I can only so finitely understand. I am creating a path that is also me. I am seeing in a fashion that is me. I want to learn to tactically feel in a way that is me. I am somewhere between - and at the same time encompassing of - my mind, spirit, and body. In learning to share this world I will be more capable of creating one anew. In new understanding and compassion, I will be able to expand. Sometimes I can feel myself evolving in my perception. Sometimes in excitement and sometimes in the warm, buzzing feeling where my teeth's roots meet the surface of my skull. I know this evolution isn't into new realms, but infinite, ancient, and external homes...

Jessica Carbine 30 day challenge 14-20

Jessica Carbine

Days 14-20 Mar, 1-7 Thursday-Wednesday

This week I'll be halfway though the thirty day challenge and this weeks dreams have actually been pretty good. I saw Into The Woods Thursday and really enjoyed it so I think that sparked my imagination. Not all of them were really noteworthy but I had three that I enjoyed and wrote more than usual about. The most interesting of them was a dark reinterpretation of Beauty and the Beast, just to be clear it wasn't the Disney version it was just my imagining of the old fairy tale. I've been on a fairy tale kick lately, reading allot of story book retellings' such as Beauty, East and The Goose Girl series not to mention the play I went to, so it's no wonder I dreamed this.
One more thing before I start, I was't in this dream, it wasn't about me at all, which is't uncommon for me I'm not in most of my dreams.

In the dream Beauty was to late to save the Beast from his curse. By the time she got there the flower had long ago died and the Beast had been driven mad by the hopelessness and despair of having to remain a beast forever alone.

My dream began much like the old story Beauty lives with the Beast and he tries to court her but the castle is not beautiful its dark and grey and its falling apart there is also feeling of foreboding so she doesn't fall for his tricks. Because the spell can no longer be broken the servants who were invisible in the old story, are free to show themselves to Beauty and she befriends them.
One Day while Beauty is exploring because the castle is falling apart she falls through the floor to the deepest part of the castle. There she finds a dungeon filled with young women like herself who couldn't break the curse and tried to escape, so the beast locked them up. The servants find Beauty and help her escape but she decides she can't leave the women of the servants behind so she returns to the castle.
Once Beauty is back at the castle she confronts the Beast and tries to talk to him but he attacks and tries to kill her for escaping. The Beast sets his own castle on fire and Beauty and the Beast fight while the castle is burning around them. Beauty kills the Beast out of self defense and is able to set everyone free before the castle burns down. I woke up as she was journeying back to her home.

Jessica Carbine 30 day Challenge 7-13

Jessica Carbine

Days 7-13 Feb, 22-28th Thursday-Wednesday

I didn't have to many interesting dreams this week, I thought after Saturdays dream I would have more interesting dreams. A lot of the dreams felt interesting but I only remembered bits and pieces and I had a hard time accurately remembering the sequence of events enough to form a cohesive dream. My biggest problem is when I wake up form a dream its often in the middle of the night or early in the morning so I go right back to sleep and I forget the dream I woke up from. This makes it hard to remember my drams even if I really liked them but I'm going to try and write them down as soon as I wake up no matter how tired I am. After all I've made my self write in my journal every night so far.

Jessica Carbine 30 Day Challenge Days 1-6

Jessica Carbine


30 day challenge days 1-6

I am going to gage allot of my project through out 30 these days on what kind of dreams I have and how memorable they are. As I said in my introduction many of my dreams have become unmemorable and sleeping has become a chore. When I was writing regularly this wasn't the case, so one of my hopes in writing more is to have more enjoyable dreams and maybe even gain some control over my dreams since most things I've read on the subject of lucid dreaming say writing down your dreams is the best way to claim control of them. I am also going to post in 6 day intervals because 6 is easily divisible by 30, every 6 days I have a summery of my week so if I don't get to post every week I can still be accurate with my postings.

Days 1-6 Feb 15-21 Thursday-Wednesday

This first week I couldn't really allot of my dreams most of them were just feelings, or the events in them were so scattered I couldn't make sense of them, but it wrote down what I could. I found that if I actively tried to remember my dreams I couldn't remember them at all, but if I relaxed and took a passive approach to recalling my dreams I could at least remember the jist . I wasn't expecting much this was my first week after all. So I was surprised when  on Saturday I actually had a dream worth writing about.

It was sort of a lucid dream I was tired and couldn't sleep but I manged to dose a bit so I still felt a little consensus in this dream. I dreamed about my Grandmas  house, I grew up in that house because my grandma needed to be taken care of early on so form age 6 on we just lived with her. Memories of that house are still very precious to me. When I was 14 my Grandma died and due to some unfortunate events the house was taken by the city and demolished there is nothing left now. This event still haunts me in more ways than I can explain, so I tried not to think about it much.
In the dream the house was still whole I went through every inch starting from the basement of it remembering the feel of the carpet and the furniture and the comfortable clutter. I remembered the smell of the fireplace and the pictures on the wall along with the murals my mom painted, in my room, in the kitchen and on the doors. I also remembered the yard and its surrounding all the trees I used to climb and the creek I would play in. It was comforting but, I knew it was a dream which made me sad, for the past few years I have had this intensest feeling of home sickness and I guess I always will but that dream helped me think about it in a different light.

Singing assignment

For this assignment we decided to play out a five note chord where we each matched a note with our voices. We recorded samples of our voices and looped them to create note samples for 7 minutes, and played it on a phone speaker in the atrium.
The sound was actually a lot harder to listen to for seven minutes than we originally thought, you can hear everyone in the background and one eventually turned the volume down.

video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JjpSz7p-7Q&feature=youtu.be

Sensory Deprivation - Alyssa Burnside

This is my Sensory Deprivation Project

Over the winter holidays, I had the opportunity to participate in a taste test with my family. My parent's had gotten a box of different root beers from the store for us to try. The goal was to taste and then guess which root beer it was.
However, due to expenses and timing, I wasn't able to recreate that experiment. So, I change it up to fit my budget better. I went to the store and bought off-brand sodas and on brand sodas for my Boyfriend and his two young brothers to try.
We started this experiment at around 8-9 o'clock at night and didn't finish until around 11. The fact that this was done at night when they were tired made this experience really fun. They joked around a lot and were being their normal selves, just a little more hyper than usual due to the lateness of the day and the amount of sugary soda they've drunk.
The soda's I used were as so:
1.Mountain Lightning (Off brand of Mountain Dew)
2. Dr.Pepper
3.Twist Up (Off brand of 7Up)
4. Sam's Cola (Off brand of Coca-cola)
5.A&W Root Beer
6.Root Beer (Off brand of A&W Root Beer)
7.Mountain Dew
8.7Up
9.Dr.Thunder (Off brand of Dr.Pepper)
10.Fanta
11. Coca-Cola
12.Organette
The video is shaky in some parts, so don't be alarmed. I didn't use a tripod.

https://youtu.be/yc9uNT5ihhE

a set of instructions " couldn't remember if I posted or not "

Jessica Carbine 30 day challenge day 1

30 Day Challenge 

For my 30 day challenge I have decided to write in my journal everyday, I want to write more in general and I will but for the purpose of this challenge I'm going to focus on writing in my journal because it's easy to track and its also very versatile because I can write about anything I want in an in depth personal manner. 

I use to write all the time in jr high and high school, I wrote about all kinds of things and when I did I had these really amazing vivid dreams that would cause me to write more, my ideas just flowed so freely. 

After high school I guess I just went into hyper drive because I wanted to do well in college and I had to work to pay for college and I stopped writing. The vivid dreams stopped too and sleep became just another chore, my ideas feel like a wellspring that is running low.

My friend gave me a journal for Christmas, its a beautiful present with a heartfelt letter on the inside and it would be a shame  not to use it. I believe that if I begin writing again things will change and I will feel better.

Jessica Carbine sensory deprivation

Sensory Deprivation 

I couldn't find an exact statistic but I've herd it said that smell is at least 70% smell. So for my sensory deprivation I decided to test this statistic but I didn't want to do it alone. 

I gathered together some food, chopped up apples oranges, potato and I also backed cookies. Potato are similar to apples in texture so I wanted to see if people could tell the difference, Oranges have a very distinct smell to them which plays into there taste making them perfect for this experiment, then finally I baked cookies because I wanted to see if something so familiar could become unfamiliar if I took away its smell.

I got my stuff together along with some nose plugs and blindfolds and went to class, ounce there I had every body put on a blindfold and nose plugs, I uncovered the food and told everyone to begin. 

The results were hilarious I wish I had video taped it people were so disoriented about which food was what and it was so great seeing their reactions. Ben was startled by a piece of  orange he exclaimed "Ahh Its wet", Nathan Jackson and Ryan all got stuck with potatoes and none of them could figure out quite what it was. 

The most recognizable thing was the cookies because of their sweetness, the oranges were almost tasteless only recognizable by their texture, the Apples were a little more recognizable but people still got them confused with the potatos. It was fascinating and fun to see everybody's reactions and I'm glad I decided to share this experiment with the class.  

Jessica Carbine Resource list

Resource list 

imagination 

creativity 

music

bed 

blankets 

books 

backpack 

outside pack 

binders 

Sketchbooks past and present 

Car 

Camera 

film Camera

film 

computer 

clay 

clay tools 

cats

Drawing supplies 

dog  

parents 

siblings 

friends 

swimming ability 

swim suit

good sense of direction 

guitar

violin 

hiking boots 

mental map 

school studio 

school library 

peers

Teachers 

pocket tools

earphones

Trying to hard at the first of the thirty days

so I wanted to do a simple digital drawing very day to help me learn how to finishing things and het faster but this was not working for me I have to simply in order to draw every day I have to learn how to make things easier on my self

Walking a line

as related to the previous a moment in time project I ran some of my old running roots around Ephriam and i would remember some pretty upsetting things so I took a few pictures of what memories where recalled

Photo 1

Rotoscope 1

A moment in time..... again

so for this project I wanted to show or illustrate rather an up setting memory in my life that was upsetting so I did some research found a good reference and tried out some new digital painting techniques.

the Reference I found 

the penciling

the ink layer

some painting progress

Divine stress

gesture drawing - ben sang

When we are somewhere, we take in more just one plane of view. We are surrounded completely and the surroundings heavily impact our focus. We are constantly creating different kinds of gestures that we are aware of as well as those that we are unaware of. The external factors of our environment oftentimes become the stimulus for which of our many gestures we are especially attentive to at the time. I wanted to experiment with the idea of a gesture through my own various interactions to an environment while including the environment itself in the gesture.

In order to do this, I wanted to go somewhere that served as a location with a view or one that would be considered to be an outlook. After deciding on the top of the college's football stadium bleachers, I used a 360 degree camera to taking in the surroundings that I was most immediately aware of. Where was my head and body moving? What was I paying attention to? How was I positioned? With each repetition I focused on small gestures of my own that I wanted to focus on. These gestures varied from taking in the a view in general to constantly keeping my eyes down for fear of making eye-contact with anyone that might be able to see me standing or sitting far above them making weird motions with my phone.

I wanted to organize different gestures in a way that would make them all follow the same two formats: place, and relative dimension. Using the 360 degree created neat stripes.

What I find most interesting about these images is that depending on the gesture being carried out, the images become quite wildly abstract despite being achieved in the same way.

Gestural Painting - Alyssa Burnside

This is my Gestual Drawing

A simple gesture that I seem to do every day for different reasons is pacing. I don't know why I pace except that it helps either with relieving stressing, thinking about stuff or releasing energy build up. In my painting, I used different colors to symbolize the different times that I pace and the emotion that I feel when pacing. 

Black=Anxiety, worry, and depression
Light Blue=thoughtful

Red=Stressed

Orange=Excitment

By using my own feet as the painting tool and my emotions to guide me, I mixed the paint I wanted to use with water to help make it more liquidy providing splatters to the parts where I felt more emotional about something. 

Why did I do this though? Well, I wanted a piece of my art to be related to me. I wanted to show the kind of emotion that I feel every day and by using a simple gesture that I use to help cope with these different emotions, I feel like I can connect more with my audience. 

I worked on this project while actually feeling these different emotions. Whether that's thoughtful or exciting and energetic. 

Jessica Carbine Gesture

Jessica Carbine

A Gesture

After class on Wednesday I thought about what a gesture was, I thought about for the next few until I felt like I had a definition that I felt suited my needs. I decided that a gesture was an action with a deeper underline meaning usually intentional but just like everything it could be unintentional.
I now had my definitions but what was the next step? what should my gesture be? My first thought was to do something concerning my fidgeting. Things I do when I'm listening like biting my nails, lips, putting my hair behind my ear things like that.

Then as I was thinking of this on Saturday it began to snow and it snowed through the night. The snow was deep an firmly packed perfect for my next thought. I decided to lay in the snow and just focus on the moment and the snow surrounding on me. I wrote in my journal about the experience my feelings and any words that came to mind. I also took pictures of the snow imprints and tried to interpret them as an outside source, that may have stumbled on them while walking. I composed these thoughts from my journal in to a word art.

I decided to do a word art based on how well a word art I previously did on watching the moon rise.
In doing a word art my journal entities are able to take shape and movement while still remaining private. The colors and overall shape of the word art are also gestures to communicate the over all feeling of the moment and the feeling while in the midst of preforming a gesture.

Nathan Adair Brush Gesture

For my project, I wanted to show the gesture of what I do when I'm playing brushes. I took black paint, a big sheet of paper, and I dipped a pair of brushes into the paint and played a pattern on to the paper to capture the motion and pressure applied. I did this twice with two different patterns.

The First

The Second

The Geasture of a Doodle

Every Day i nervously doodle something in the attempts to create something good enough and it never ever is I just end up nervously drawing a bunch of "kratertic" shapes. But anyways nothing is good enough and so i decided to create a positive art work with negative gestures.

so during the exersize i just kind of pancied and just nervously drew some nerviuys skethces and

after some trial runs I

came up with this

Gesture // Jackson Jenkins

One of the things that I have always been very interested in is musical notation. Throughout history they music has been notated has been changed and modified, and now in modern times we have many different forms of musical notation.

     Chopin's nocturne's show a very specific form of notation. This is probably the most common

  

A very vague form of notation. It only shows you the chords!! Rhythm is not accurately notated.

 This is a slightly more specific form of notation than the last example, but still very open to interpretation. This is very commonly used in Jazz music.

For my project I wanted to try and use gesture as a very nonspecific form of music notation. Like the 2nd example, Rhythm cannot be notated. All that it gives you is the chords, a voicing for the chord and movement from the previous chord to the next. 

A Gesture for the End of an Era | Ryan Smith

I am interested in small gestures that hold great significance in their symbolism when given historical context. This significance is not always completely apparent as it is truly found when through the lens history and memory. I have become obsessed with figures of power, both good and bad, and the messages symbolic gestures convey beyond what is at face. Symbols carry weight that is recognized by the cultures that create them, and how they are used throughout history. An example of the power of symbolism is the Symbolism Art movement in Romania during the Romanian Revolution.

On December 21st, 1989, this was made on display. Nicolae Ceausescu was a dictator and head of the Romanian communist party as well as the president of Romania from 1974 to1989. Romania was already under communist control before Ceausescu's position in power, being one most underdeveloped states in post war Europe. Ceausescu's reign saw a brief period of stability and development for Romania before devolving into an Orwellian like authoritarian regime.

Mass surveillance by a secret police force and censorship of all media spread fear throughout the population. Ceausescu created a cult of personality, which consisted of stadium and television productions meant to glorify him and ensure his presence in the minds of the population. This was done through control of television broadcasting, in which the television company would only broadcast for two hours a day, consisting of propaganda for Ceausescu and the Communist regime. Ceausescu also began exporting the country's basic goods to pay off a national debt of ten billion. This resulted in widespread famine and malnutrition that went on for decades, this combined with a repressive government and a violent police force made Romania's standard of living the worst in all of Eastern Europe. The culture and original symbols of Romanian history were being slowly picked away at by the regime, oppression and ideological dominance held a tight muzzle on the citizens.

Following a devastating violent uprising in the city of Timisoara, Ceausescu held an address in Palace Square in Bucharest, Romania's capital. Workers were forced to attend under threat of being fired, and bystanders were corralled into the main square where they were given banners, red flags, and giant portraits of Nicolae and his wife Elena. Secret police were a part of the crowd making sure there would be no uprising like the one before. The audience was given instructions on when to applaud and what to cheer for the purpose of glorifying Ceausescu and under fear of disobeying the regime.

A nervous, uncharacteristic Ceausescu appeared on the balcony to give his address, while a sea of people representing the working class of Romania stood below. The speech was broadcasted on television, something customary for Nicolae's regime. As the vague, carefully scripted address went on, a commotion breaks out in the crowd. According to varying accounts, there was movement in parts of the crowd from fireworks or gunfire, along with a sea of booing and hissing. This sound was unlike anything else, as the entire crowd seemed to erupt with commotion. The look on Ceausescu's face was that of pure horror, with the overwhelming realization that he was no longer feared. For a moment he raises his right hand, gesturing the crowd to calm down while a security guard suggests he go inside. When the chaos doesn't stop, Ceausescu lowers his hand, and in one gesture defined the end of Communism, and began the Romanian Revolution. The cameras suddenly turned toward the surrounding Government buildings, as the cameramen were instructed to show nothing but things that supported the regime. The event was broadcast nationwide, and at once the entire country knew they would be liberated. Ceausescu's speech continues on for about eight minutes, promising things like raised salaries and increases in scholarships, but to no avail. Ceausescu was ushered inside the building, and he in his wife fled the country in helicopter the next morning before being captured four days later. A trial was hastily arranged, and Nicolae and his wife would be executed by firing squad. The now rebel operated TV stations brodcasted everything, even detailing the bodies of the two after they had been shot. An account form a reporter in Romania at the time describes the aftermath.

"Graffiti throughout the capital of Bucharest, shaken by gunfire for eight straight days, advises the public to avoid confusion and disorder by listening to Radio Free Romania. Because of the television station's importance, the army had made it a fortress and secured the surrounding residential area to prevent attacks by the members of the secret police who have gone underground. Some of the heaviest fighting during the last week took place at the television station compound. Houses across the street are covered with bullet holes and the house of the British ambassador is burned out." Turmoil in Romania would continue as a new government was being set in place.

--

I became fascinated with this moment in history. In an instant the entire country was turned upside down with a single gesture. A society erupted, and a revolution began, all in one moment. This gesture impacted Romanians for generations and into the current day. I wanted to highlight the literal physical gesture that so many remember as the end of era, and a new life outside of the iron curtain. The events of the revolution are symbolic in their relevance to the cultures symbolism movements, thus ingraining it into contemporary Romanian art and society.

video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZz6wJYXcKY

Ceausescu last speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWIbCtz_Xwk

Source
https://www.upi.com/Archives/1989/12/28/Television-was-key-in-Romanian-revolution/9448630824400/

A 30 Day Commitment - Alyssa Burnside

This is my 30 Day Commitment

For the next 30 days, I will be following this workout schedule that I've made to help improve my endurance and health. I plan on accomplishing this as much as possible with my Roommate Kailee.

Day 1

To start off my first day doing this commitment my roommate and I took pictures of our selves as the before the workout pictures. We all measured our arm's, stomach's, waists, and thighs to see where we are at and for future reference on how far we've gone. 

For me the run was pretty difficult due to my lack of running experience and, in general, I'm just not a runner. I know that as I progress I will get better, but for now, the running is difficult. I ran on the treadmill on the third floor of my apartment building for 5 minutes on speed 4.5. Afterward, I found it a bit hard to breathe. 

Everything else wasn't so bad. I can do all of the other things just fine without worry. I'm not so worried about the other things until I get further along where everything gets's harder. For now, though, Everything seems just fine. 

Day 2

Today's run was a lot easier than yesterdays. I was able to run the full 5 minutes just fine. The workout was harder due to soreness but it was a lot of fun and so worth the soreness. I went with my roommate today and while she went up to our apartment to finish the work out after the run, I decided to stay in the gym to finish. I felt like it would give me more room and the ability to listen to my music on my speaker.

Day 3

Today was the start of my 8-minute run and I had such a difficult time. After two days of working out, I was able to breath just fine but I was super sore and that made it hard on my legs during the run. 

This time, my roommate wanted to work out at night and I didn't feel like doing that. So I went and worked out with my boyfriend Maccoy after church. He was super sore afterward while I was just fine. I've gotten used to the soreness by now except for when I run.  We had fun and I think he enjoyed it. While I struggled with doing the 6 push-ups he was cranking out 20. However, I was able to do the rest of the work out without much difficulty while he struggled. I hope that I can workout again with him when my roommate and I can't do it together.